Top Charlotte FC draft pick Ben Bender proves that sometimes, nice guys finish first

The tall lanky kid with a mop of brown hair had just left a South End coffee shop and was finishing up a conversation in the parking lot when a voice bellowed from about thirty feet away, “Hey, I thought that was you. I just bought my girlfriend your jersey.”

Charlotte FC rookie Ben Bender smiled and replied, “I wish I could have given you my card so you could get a discount.”

That’s Bender’s light side, where the contrary yet complementary force is that of an exceedingly competitive 21-year-old who is battling hard for his place on the team, and his future in the professional game, while at the same time being one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet.

Ever approachable, fan interactions are a growing part of the daily regimen for the top pick in the MLS SuperDraft who has played 20 MLS matches for Charlotte, starting 13 of them, scoring three goals and assisting on five others. He’s also been on the pitch for three Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup games and started the exhibition against Chelsea FC last week.

A few weeks back, while standing on the mezzanine of American Legion Memorial Stadium watching the Charlotte Independence play, something he and a number of his Charlotte FC teammates do often when the schedule allows, there was a steady flow of fans asking if they could get a picture with him. They would remark that he was their favorite player, that he was “the best”. Bender would flash his toothy smile and thank them, often adding some sort of self-critique about having to get better in an aspect of the game like protecting the ball.

If Opie Taylor were a professional soccer player, he’d be Ben Bender.

The humble star

Bender stands in stark contrast to his fellow overall top picks in the major league drafts. He doesn’t have a logo, doesn’t drive a fancy car, may possibly have just the one suit he wears to church — guaranteed it wasn’t custom tailored for the draft. For that event, which was held remotely due to the pandemic, he was wearing a simple black hooded MLS sweatshirt.

Granted, MLS first picks don’t make near the coin of what Duke’s Paolo Banchero is depositing from his first NBA contract of over $9 million, or Georgia defensive end Travon Walker’s $10 million plus NFL deal. Bender’s rookie season is estimated to be just over one percent of those, commensurate with what top graduates of the University of Maryland might be making in their first jobs.

Even if his salary was closer to those guys, it wouldn’t matter. He’s the anti-bling. Probably doesn’t even have a jewelry box, let alone the baubles to fill one. An avid fisherman, he keeps his shiny things in a tackle box.

He’s driven his five-year old Toyota Rav4, that previously belonged to his mom, up to the mountains on a day off to drop a line in the water just by himself. Cleaned and cooked his catch on the spot. He has the photos on his phone which he’s proud to share but you won’t find them on social media because he’s not there. Doesn’t see the need and is unaffected by FOMO — you know, the fear of missing out.

One can discern early in a conversation with Bender is that he has a maturity well beyond his years. He has a focus and direction that is coupled with great humility.

Family values

He’s open but not preachy about his faith, respecting the beliefs and opinions of others. While many his age are focused on exploring their options, he’s looking forward to getting married to his longtime girlfriend whom he met when he was four. Hannah Leubecker, also 21, is an All-American lacrosse player in her junior year at Maryland.

As an underclassman in high school, he was tasked like the youngest players are on many teams to carry the equipment bags to and from practice and games. It’s a traditional way of inspiring respect for the players who came before them. And he did so without complaint. But he had had also seen another path to demonstrating the strength of humility which was the practice at the Christian college where his brothers had played. There, it was the seniors providing the positive example of serving others.

According to his father Mark, when Ben was a senior and the captain of the team, he took the opportunity to switch it up and said, “Hey guys, we’re seniors. We’re setting the example. We’re carrying the balls.”

“And he did that just because he wanted to not be putting the younger kids down but inspiring them to be better.”

In his first interview after being selected, he thanked his dad and brothers, saying, “they pushed me to get better every day and it’s been an amazing journey.”

He’s the youngest of three brothers by five years in a family that is close-knit and strong in its faith. Both Jacob, 27, and Josh, 26, were standout players at Messiah University in Mechanicsburg, PA. Jacob, who played for the Charlotte Independence in 2017, was the 2016 Division III National Player of the Year as a senior.

Choosing Maryland

It might have been different. Bender’s talent certainly wasn’t a secret in the Baltimore area, but he wasn’t heavily recruited by D1 programs.

So, he was on track to carry on the family tradition at Messiah until the University of Maryland, which had just won its fourth NCAA College Cup in December 2018, came calling.

“It was later on in my junior year when then they reached out, and that was a week after visiting Messiah. That process was really tough because I saw my two brothers go to Messiah, and I loved that program growing up. But I knew that going to Maryland, with how much impact Sasho has, he could maybe give me the opportunity to play professionally.”

Since 1993, Maryland soccer coach Sasho Cirovski has sent dozens of players to MLS from College Park, including three top picks. He witnessed firsthand the balanced dualism of Bender.

“The first thing you notice about Ben is just what a sweet, nice, high quality character young man he is. He is just made of the best stuff on Earth. And then you see him on the field and you notice his competitiveness and pride in his quality. It’s a really nice blend because you don’t always find that kind of sort of introverted sweetness on the inside and this highly competitive quality in the outside.”

“I can see exactly what he means,” says Charlotte FC coach Christian Lattanzio. “Ben is one of the nicest guys you can meet in football. At the same time, he is very competitive and has an edge about him which I like. He’s a fierce competitor who wants to win every duel he gets into. He has a great mentality which is a talent in itself.”

Fueling a competitive fire

“I think, from a young age, my dad did a really good job at trying to make us really competitive with one another,” says Bender, “but he also taught us to have really good friendships. I know a lot of brothers that don’t have the best relationships, but we’re super close. We’re a tight knit group and we love one another, but we’re also super competitive. So, every time we step on the field, I think I definitely wanted to be like them.

Oddly, or perhaps, perfectly, Bender has enjoyed a growing friendship with teammate Andre Shinyashiki, who most might see as his polar opposite. Shinyashiki, from Sao Paulo, Brazil, admittedly plays with a chip on his shoulder and a bristling intensity.

“Me and Ben are honestly complete opposites,” says the 25-year-old striker. “We even talked about how we are the most improbable friendship that’s ever been. I’ve never been a fan of fishing and Ben loves fishing. He’s trying to convince me to go and maybe we’ll end up going, but it’s just not something that I would ever do on my own.”

“I know that Ben hates passive-aggressive people and people that won’t tell you the truth. I am very honest, and I just tell him as it is, and I think he appreciates that.”

Shinyashiki recounted that the two had made a bet before the game against Nashville. “It was that if he assisted me, I’d have to go to church with him on Sunday. I have a really good relationship with God I have my faith and things like that, but I haven’t been to church in a while.”

In the first minute of added time, Bender did just that, laying the ball off to Shinyashiki for the final goal in a 4-1 win.

“He forgot about the bet, but I have to be a man of my word. After the game I said, ‘I guess we’re going to church tomorrow.’ And he became the happiest person ever. He just started laughing. ‘Yes, let’s go. Andre is coming to church with me tomorrow!’”

If they were to make another wager, Shinyashiki’s prize would be getting Bender, “to like actually leave his house and do things that include going to restaurants. I’m just trying to convince him to be more social and meet more people because he only cooks for himself, does things at home, and plays video games. He’s never going to leave the house unless it’s to go fish.”

Or go to church, or to play the game he loves so much.

Contrary to popular dogma, nice guys don’t always finish last. Sometimes they get picked first.

This story was originally published July 30, 2022 at 5:54 AM.