Counselor offers cooped-up families tips on keeping little conflicts from turning big
Nedra Tawwab, a clinical therapist in Charlotte, knows first-hand about the stress stay-at-home orders add.
Her and her husband’s work schedules had to stagger to balance their jobs with caring for children ages 6 and 3. Like most families, their being cooped up by the pandemic has created new rules and frayed nerves.
Like mom needing solitude to conduct virtual counseling sessions.
“Making sure my kids are in a space where I can have quiet sessions has been a challenge,” said Tawwab, who owns Kaleidoscope Counseling and has practiced for 13 years. “Now (they understand), ‘Oh, she’s in a room with the door closed.’”
Tawwab sees daily – from her patients and in general – how the COVID-19 pandemic and the resulting social distancing have frayed people’s patience and emotions.
“People are becoming more irritable, more frustrated, with their kids, with their partner, about all of these things that are changing daily,” Tawwab said. “It’s a lot to manage while you also manage your husband’s schedule and the kids having to do school assignments.”
Tawwab offered tips on managing living under a stay-at-home order without harming relationships between couples and other family.
Stick to a schedule
Tawwab warned not to let a household function as if this is an extended vacation of sitting around watching television.
“Particularly with kids, have wake-up times, lunch times, times to do schoolwork, time for family,” Tawwab advised. “So they have that sort of structure and have an idea of what is next.
“Also, (then) you’ll have some downtime during the day, versus you’re trying to figure everything out when they’re saying, ‘What are we doing next?’”
Find your own space
Everyone trying to work or entertain themselves in the same area of a home isn’t practical. Not just because of the distractions that will cause, but because it will add to feeling trapped.
“Pick your corner. Whether that is a space in the living room (to work) or someone taking the bedroom,” Tawwab suggested. “You still need your own physical space, now especially when we can’t go outside and do anything.”
Focus on solution, not blame
It’s more important than ever to talk through a solution to a problem, rather than making a disagreement all about placing blame. Little things are more likely to seem big.
“You need to say, ‘This is not (caused by) my partner. It’s me feeling really out-of-control.’ So, maybe I am making a big fuss out of someone leaving the jelly out on the counter,” Tawwab said.
Plan how to keep kids occupied
It’s important to plan ahead how to keep children occupied when you need to concentrate on work.
“Most of us are not used to working (around kids). I create a lot of digital content. I’ll do that during the day,” before her afternoon counseling sessions begin, Tawwab said.
She added it’s important to allot time for your spouse on the weekend, because it’s unlikely right now to find that time on workdays.
Break up the monotony
Tawwab has advised patients to explore all the new free content popping up in a world adjusting to being shut in: That can range from concerts or comedy shows for adults or the “Kidz Bop” dance parties her children enjoy.
“There are certainly things we can find to break up the monotony,” Tawwab said. “To say, ‘This is new and this is different.’”
Enjoy in-home date nights
The inability to go out to restaurants or movies doesn’t stop you from a date night with your partner.
“Have a game night,” Tawwab said. “Or have a theme binge-watch situation. Like we say, ‘We’re going to watch all of the Lethal Weapon (movies) or all of the Godfather series.’”
Socialize in new ways
Social-distancing doesn’t have to end traditions like birthday parties or Saturday night with your best friends. It means adapting virtually.
Tawwab suggested the “House Party” app, which facilitates friends playing games like Pictionary without being in the same place.
“There are connective experiences we can explore,’ Tawwab said, “so we don’t feel so isolated.”
