Living

14 resolutions for the New Year that will make you a better (and less-irritating) you

Resolution No. 7: Steer clear of the Chick-fil-A drive-thru line, for crying out loud.
Resolution No. 7: Steer clear of the Chick-fil-A drive-thru line, for crying out loud. ckohlruss@fresnobee.com

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Looking ahead to 2022 in Charlotte

As we look ahead to 2022, a handful of key people sit at the center of crucial issues facing Charlotte and the region. What they do and how they perform will help shape this community and our lives. You can also get involved — or simply better yourself.


There are maybe one or two things I’d like to change about my own behavior, that might make me a better person.

But enough about me already. More importantly, there are a whole bunch of changes I’m really hoping to see in you in the New Year. So, although I know you didn’t ask for this, here it is: My list of totally non-political, not-at-all-pandemic-related resolutions I’d like every Charlottean to make for 2022.

If it’s been more than one day since the trash collector was through your neighborhood, it’s time to pull your bins back up to the side of your house. It’s called trash day, not trash week.

When your lawn needs mowing, mow it. Your grass doesn’t have to look like the fairways at Myers Park Country Club, but please, neighbor, can we agree that 12 inches is too tall?

Don’t try to create parking spaces where parking spaces don’t exist. I know it’s tempting to pull your car right in front of the Chinese restaurant (or The UPS Store, or take your pick of strip-mall places), put your hazards on, and go inside to grab your food. I also know the rest of us have to restrain ourselves from keying your car.

Stop treating stop signs like suggestions. There are absolutely some pointless stop signs out there. I used to live right in front of one. But even though I saw dozens of people get away with blowing through it every day, I stopped at it every time. BECAUSE IT’S A STOP SIGN.

Learn how to use roundabouts. There are more of them in Charlotte every day, so at least act like you know. Lesson 1: Yield always means yield.

Respect the line for the exit ramp. Take, as an example, the one that always gets backed up at the top of I-277 near uptown, where vehicles often must wait to merge onto I-77. Yes, we live in the South and there are still some nice people left here. So yes, you’ll get away with racing up to the front and cutting into the line. But hopefully you’ll run into some northern transplants who make merging as difficult as possible for you.

When the line for the drive-thru at Chick-fil-A spills out into the street, go somewhere else. Relax. It’s just chicken. It’ll still be there when you come back at a less-busy time. (Except not on Sunday.)

Keep your fast-food trash to yourself. It seems like such a simple concept: You take your meal out of the bag, you eat it, you put your waste back in the bag, you get to where you’re going, you find a garbage can and throw it away. How is it we are still having this conversation?

Is it that hard a concept? What are you, 5 years old?
Is it that hard a concept? What are you, 5 years old? PAUL SAKUMA AP

Learn how to operate the kickstand on that scooter. Or, if you see a scooter standing upright, don’t kick it over.

Put a leash on your dog. Sure, it’s impressive that Fido is well-behaved enough to stay close by and not run away from you. It’s also illegal in Mecklenburg County. Oh, and on top of that, it’s really, really irritating.

Move over on the greenway. Unless you can produce a deed showing you own the place, when you see us coming, do not continue to walk (or run) two, three, and four abreast with your pals as if you don’t.

Move over in the Harris Teeter. How did you even get your shopping cart parked in the aisle at that angle??

Stay in your lane (i.e. the airspace above your seat) at the concert. I don’t know if it’s booze or something stronger that’s responsible for this phenomenon, but here’s the typical scenario: A show at PNC Music Pavilion or Spectrum Center, an act that keeps fans on their feet most of the night, and a person next to me with the spatial awareness of a potato.

As for me, and my resolutions? This here’s the one I’ll personally be working on in 2022:

Quit your complaining. In particular, quit your complaining about Charlotte. In spite of all the irritating people who populate this city, it’s a pretty great place to live.

Happy New Year!

Théoden Janes
The Charlotte Observer
Théoden Janes has spent nearly 20 years covering entertainment and pop culture for the Observer. He also thrives on telling emotive long-form stories about extraordinary Charlotteans and — as a veteran of three dozen marathons and two Ironman triathlons — occasionally writes about endurance and other sports. Support my work with a digital subscription
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Looking ahead to 2022 in Charlotte

As we look ahead to 2022, a handful of key people sit at the center of crucial issues facing Charlotte and the region. What they do and how they perform will help shape this community and our lives. You can also get involved — or simply better yourself.