‘Bachelorette: Men Tell All’ recap: Xavier tries to do damage control. Did it work?

It’s been a rough week for Xavier Bonner, the UNC Ph.D. candidate who went on Season 20 of “The Bachelorette” to court Georgia native Charity Lawson.

Xavier was one of 25 men who started the season dating — or at least wanting to date — Charity, and he made it all the way to the final three men. Along the way, he dazzled America with his knitting prowess and took Charity home to meet his family in Ohio.

But things fell apart on last week’s episode, when Xavier finally admitted to Charity that he had cheated on his ex-girlfriend (multiple times) and then said some really unfortunate things about the possibility of cheating in the future and his need to cash in that “overnight date” card.

This week, Xavier returned to “The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All,” an annual special in which rejected suitors gather before a studio audience to argue, primp, cry, shout, and in Xavier’s case, explain their behavior.

Did Xavier’s explanation fly? Were his attempts at damage control successful?

Here’s what happened.

Xavier explains his comments

Host Jesse Palmer called Xavier to the sofa about 45 minutes into Monday’s show. They started with a recap of Xavier’s romance with Charity, showing just how close those two came to becoming a real couple.

The camera stayed on Xavier while they showed the clip of him telling Charity about his infidelities, and Xavier had a hard time looking at the screen. “Bachelorette” also played the audio of all of the audience gasps at some of Xavier’s comments, along with their cheers for Charity’s empowering remarks.

Xavier told Jesse it was “tough to watch” the clips because he had wanted to be honest with Charity, but the conversation didn’t happen the way he’d planned. He said multiple times that he stuck his foot in his mouth.

He seemed to point to Charity not saying “I love you” back as one of the reasons for his behavior that final night with her.

“One of my biggest fears is for love to not be reciprocated to me,” he told Jesse. And he said when he told her on his hometown date that he loved her and she didn’t say it back, he melted down.

He also told Jesse that he thinks about Charity “literally every day” and that he has gotten a therapist to do some work on himself.

Xavier meets Charity again

Xavier said he was nervous to see Charity face-to-face, but that’s exactly what happened after a commercial break.

But first, Xavier went back to the group of guys so that Charity could start out solo (with Jesse) on the couch.

When Jesse asked Charity what it was like to see Xavier again, she said it was “hard.” She told Jesse she felt blindsided by his admission of cheating because he had waited so late in their relationship to reveal it.

Then Xavier was called up to “the hot seat” beside Charity and they got into it.

Xavier started by “denouncing” cheating (good) and said that he “can be that faithful person,” but his words didn’t come out in the right way that night. Charity pointed out that he told her that night that he didn’t “want to cheat” on her, instead of saying “I won’t cheat” on you.

Xavier says he was in ‘in love’

Xavier said he really was in love with Charity at that point of the show, and that he needed to hear it from her. But Charity recounts the conversations they had about that, in which she asked him “what do you need to hear from me,” and he didn’t say any of that.

Xavier talked about letting fear (of commitment, etc) get the best of him, and then he said: “I wish my answer reflected the man that I want to be in the future, which is a faithful man to his wife.”

He also explained that his goal that night was not “to get there and have sex” with her, but to “deepen that connection.” He said that he saw Charity as his wife and was trying to let her know who he was.

Jesse asked Xavier about his feelings now and he said he “still has those feelings” for Charity, and that the abrupt ending of their relationship “really messed me up.”

Xavier ended on a high note, giving Charity a rose that he (of course) knitted and telling her that she carried herself with grace and poise, and that he wanted to show her: “I definitely cared and at the end of the day I’m super happy and hopeful that you found your forever person. Sucks it wasn’t me, but I understand that you’re going to do great things.”

Charity said she was glad they got to talk about it, and she wished him the best. They shared a hug.

And that was it for Xavier.

Except ... will he end up on “Bachelor in Paradise”???? That’s the burning question.

So what did you think? Did you believe Xavier? Or was he just trying to save face?

How to watch ‘The Bachelorette’ finale

“The Bachelorette” three-hour season finale airs at 8 p.m. next Monday on ABC. You can also stream on Hulu.

On the finale episode, the remaining men — Aaron, Dotun and Joey (there are still three because after Xavier left, Aaron returned) — meet Charity’s family. Then we get to see who Charity picks.

This story was originally published August 14, 2023 at 9:41 PM with the headline "‘Bachelorette: Men Tell All’ recap: Xavier tries to do damage control. Did it work?."

Brooke Cain

The News & Observer

Brooke Cain is a North Carolina native who has worked at The News & Observer and McClatchy for more than 30 years as a researcher, reporter and media writer. She is the National Service Journalism Editor for McClatchy.